Happy Holidays from The Morrison’s I hope everyone had a WONDERFUL Christmas.
Patience, communication and a whole lot of prayer are 3 MUSTS when blending families. People often talk about the struggles that take place inside the home There are so many layers to this blended family thing.
There’s the struggle inside the home when you are trying to bring kids together that aren’t used to each other. They have spent the majority of their lives hanging on to your every word and now they have to adjust to having more siblings and answering to another parent figure. There will be moments when you have to break down your entire family tree to a total stranger because he or she has to be that person that pries. Growing up we never used the word step or half because it just sounds negative. I don’t think “step” started out with a negative meaning but I think the stigma that is attached to the word is what makes it difficult for me. I brought that into my family so when I im explaining my new family I don’t refer to my kids as “step children” they are my bonus children.
Honestly they look like they could be mine so I don’t have to answer a bunch of are these all your kids questions that often. Melanin is popping ❤️
When I’m out with my teenager tho(feels kinda cool to say that) I get mistaken for her sister and when I tell people I’m her mom I can see their minds going a million miles a minute.
What we don’t like to talk about is all of the extensions and attachment within the blended family. You both have children that have fathers, grandmothers, aunts and uncles, and baby mamas, then they have granny’s and papas, I mean I could go on. What if one side has different beliefs and tolerate different things? What to do when the child asks who’s rules to follow? There are so many elements here. When dealing with someone who has children you have to be prepared to deal with different parenting styles and boundaries from their child’s other parent and grandparents. Fortunately my child’s father and my fiancé are in very cordial and understanding space. When I go out of town they exchanged numbers and they make the every other weekend visits go smoothly. My oldest daughters dad is so super amazing… My baby girls grandma called me the other day to let me know that she will NOT be calling me (I’m horrible with answering my phone) and they she will call ace from here on out because he answers for her! Together they communicate and link up to make sure my baby doesn’t miss a beat just because I’m gone. On the flip side of that I don’t share the same cordial space with my fiancé’s kids mothers. I mean I would like to one day but God himself is going to have to come down and make that happen…Until then I will keep being the awesome bonus mom that I am! One thing I never heard my parents do is bad mouth my mom. It didn’t matter if I was mad at her they didn’t tolerate any disrespect towards my mom from me. This is also something that I will take with me on my journey.
Kids are always innocent bystanders in the aftermath of adult foolishness. They didn’t ask to be here and it sucks that we drag them into things. I’m talking from experience. Communication, understanding and MATURITY will take you a long way and it will make co-parenting EVERYTHING. For the first year of my oldest daughters life her dad and I only communicated through his mom. How childish? I was still very much in my feelings so I would use the baby to get to him. I only did this because I was bitter. Looking back I realize the effect it could’ve had on my daughter if I would’ve kept that foolishness going. Thank GOD I came to my senses before she was old enough to realize what was happening. In her eyes me and her dad are really good friends and I’m just fine with that. Deciding to let go of the hurt and get along for her sake was the best decision have ever made! I could’ve easily let my emotions towards things that happened in the relationship effect their father daughter relationship but what for? I just couldn’t see myself mess up my daughter in the long run because the amount of repairing of her heart that would’ve had to take place because I couldn’t let go of hurt would’ve been heart breaking. If this is you please, please, please let it go and if there is a mother or father that is trying to be active then LET THEM. You are doing damage to your kid instead of dealing with your inner hurt. If you are on the receiving end of this situation and you have done everything possible to be in your child’s life then Pray pray and get lawyered up. Arguing back and forth and cursing each other out is a waste of words and energy especially when hurt is involved.
Whenever I write I am raw and transparent so when I tell you things like this I am speaking from experience. I almost let the devil steal my joy but I chose to go down a different path (this time, because that crazy girl wanted to bust out). A true test of my growth and maturity came when I was given the opportunity to GO OFF and I chose to use my big girl words and grown woman sense. You can not change an ignorant person so don’t even think about attempting to. Just pray about it and move around.
When I say I’m fortunate I mean that in the most humble way because everybody doesn’t have that. I have my share of drama within my blended situation but I have been in a blended family my whole life and I’m no expert but my experiences have taught me a few things.
Communication and maturity is key….