Celibacy is old fashioned…God knows my heart and he will understand that I have needs….

Ok now that I have your attention with that ridiculous title let me jump right into this. That is NOT how it works at all. I am going to give you all a scripture and then go right into my LONG celibacy journey….(it’s been a long one y’all)

Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge”.

Let me start off by saying living with your mate and practicing celibacy is the hardest thing EVER. I am about to be very transparent with y’all. Before we decided to be celibate we were already having sex. So then why stop since you already doing it? CONVICTION! One day my fiancé came to me and said I need more sex from you. I need you to give it to me more often and I quickly answered with an ok sure. Thats my man and he has needs and if he wants more sex then thats what he will get, right? God had been tugging at me for a few weeks. I wasn’t reading my bible as much as I usually did AND we had moved in together. This is where my conviction hit me like a ton of bricks(my parents always told me that if you lose your conviction you need to worry). God was tugging at me to get a “yes” and I was dragging my feet, but my fiancé got a quick definite yes? I had to check myself real quick. I didn’t say anything to him right away because I knew this was going to be a tough pill to swallow. I went to Wednesday night bible study and when I tell y’all he was talking directly to me! I was blown away. I had to go home and tell this man that I wanted to take away sex until we are married. I went about it the WRONG way tho. What should’ve taken place was an open discussion, but I kind of just put it out there like take it or leave it. I only did it this way because in my mind I would rather argue with him everyday than to have to continue to disappoint God and feel horrible every time we have sex.

Bible study is over and I head home. He’s sitting on the couch and I sit down next to him and say “I want to be celibate”. He paused for a beat and his response was “are you asking me or you telling me”? This is when the “I’m an independent woman and I don’t have to ask your permission for anything came out of me”…I said I’m telling you. This is something that I have to do I have been feeling convicted and I’m tired of letting God down. TOTAL SILENCE… Going into this I had prepared myself for him to leave or cheat. That night he slept on the couch and didn’t say a word to me. My mind was all over the place. The vibe was off for next couple of days, I mean we were cordial in front of the kids but other than that we didn’t have much to say to one another. He finally broke the ice and expressed to me that he felt as if he didn’t have a say in this whole thing. His exact words were “you made an US decision by yourself”. Side bar: My decision to go without sex was months before the proposal, so when the proposal happened he made sure to tell me that he had purchased the ring months back and that my dad had kept the ring in his sock drawer. That’s when I knew.. I wasn’t trying to make a decision like that alone, BUT I felt like nothing trumps GOD. Nothing and no one. I will admit that I could have approached the conversation better but I don’t regret my decision at all. Although he hated the idea(still does) he tried to understand and reassured me that this was a journey I wouldn’t have to take alone.

Now, I don’t mind asking questions in my relationship. If something feels off I’m not the type to just sit back and wait until its revealed. I like to know! He didn’t instantly agree to being celibate, but he let me know that he’s here with me. I asked him to let me know if he feels like he is going to cheat and to let me know when he has rough days so I will know what I’m up against. He told me that some days he will have to sleep on the couch and that his attitude will be real bad. Sexual frustration is real. What put my mind at ease was when he told me that he would never jeopardize what we have just to temporarily feel good. We have such a beautiful and transparent relationship. Don’t get it twisted tho, we will argue each other DOWN!! Lol… I am super stubborn and I am still learning how to pick my battles and he will shut all the way down if he is approached the wrong way. Our communication is what is keeping us above water, if that dies down then we gotta pray real hard….He said I mean I hate this a whole lot but cheating is something you won’t have to worry about. He started talking to a few people and reading up on celibacy, then he came to me with videos and everything. I was like ok God. Ace wanted to know what was the procedure when you are just too horny? That is a valid question. What do you do?

I chose to be celibate because I wanted to grow closer to God. I’ve done relationships MY way for so long and they have ended up at dead ends. I have a beautiful relationship with an awesome man and the main thing I’m striving for (other than a godly relationship) is longevity… This is the man I want to grow old with.  Below are a few of my journal entries(yes I write everything down)

I have only been journaling on the difficult days……The days where we both look at each other with so much passion and want to disappear in our own fantasies and make love….The days where he is mad and has to sleep on the couch….These are the beginning stages….

 “This is going to be a tedious journey but the result of this will be beautiful. You will fall but get back up”.

” You can still be affectionate with boundaries. If you know you have no self control then don’t put yourself in situations where you could fall”

“It breaks my heart when he’s not in bed with me. The empty feeling I used to feel when someone didn’t come when they said they were coming and they ended up having a long night of cheating…Only a woman who has been in that position can understand where I’m coming from. Reminds me of when my daughters fathers phone would go to voicemail after midnight and I’d wake up with a hole in my stomach…Not sure the reason he decided to sleep on the couch tonight but the separation makes me wake up with anxiety and it’s now 5:07am and I can’t go back to sleep”.

Let me say this real loud and clear for those of you who are thinking about being celibate. IT IS WORK and YOU WILL SLIP UP. (we have). That is why self control is important, but when you do happen to fall, because you will, you just have to get right back up and remember why you are doing this. Ace says it’s just a woman thing(most guys do) but I truly believe that by doing things the right way will make our wedding night and love making in the future SO BOMB and passionate. We don’t have it all figured out and it has been a long journey but I believe in the end it will be worth it. Our wedding is less than 3 months away(big smile) and we will look back at this and be happy we chose to do things the right way. Well, at least I will! He hates it so much but he’s such a trooper…

So celibacy is NOT old fashioned…..In less than 3 months I will be able to make love to my husband and not have to feel bad about it.

IMG_1225ALL MINE:)

-P-

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45 thoughts on “Celibacy is old fashioned…God knows my heart and he will understand that I have needs….

  1. I applaud you for writing this. You did a great thing by honoring God first. This will set the tone in your marriage. I applaud you for staying in the house. The temptation is real especially when you have already been intimate. My advice to others is to do what you have done. Seek counsel (don’t do this alone), be transparent, and as hard as it may be separate yourself until marriage. Move in with a sister, cousin, family, etc. It’s very hard to commit to purity when you’re living under one roof. Congratulations!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I absolutely love this! My husband and I will be married for 10 years in March and we went through the same thing, but it was all worth it in the end. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is so bomb and transparent!! This is not a easy thing to do and a lot of situations that God put you in, isn’t easy. But always gives you the strength to get through it all. God bless

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow, it’s as if every blog you’ve written has been my story. I love reading your blogs, I appreciate your transparency. I pray the blessings of God over you and your family. Continue being who you are because you’re truly helping me. God bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Porcia!!!! I love this!!! Congrats on your decision, God will bless you and your marriage. And good job Ace for respecting that. That is love!! Btw I read all of your blogs this morning, and wow! I look forward to reading more! Love ya Porcia!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Another great blog!! We moved in and immediately we were convicted. It was like Jesus moved in with us and sat Indian Style every day on our bed. Now I had been celibate for 4 years before him and was unbothered by sex. But that doesn’t mean the temptation isn’t there. Removing sex helps to see things clearly and it pleases God. My husband also wanted to show me he wasn’t like everyone else so he agreed. But I can tell it was rough. Sex with your husband is another level and wayyyy better. You’ll see 😁😁

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This was Beautiful and so transparent!!! Thank you so much for sharing the Realness of a Relationship!!! I know this will Bless many others because it has definitely Blessed me!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Keep up the good work. My story is similar to yours . Me and my husband move in together before marriage. I was feeling the same way and wanted to stop having sex until marriage it was hard but we did it. We fall a lot but I got back up and tried again over and over. God knows your ❤️ So keep trying..

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Hello blending family as i was reading it i can hear God say that you remember when Joseph was about to expose Mary but the Angel came an told him no i have bless her what i am saying is that obdient is first an he will take care of the rest listen to God an he will attend to Ace keep walking in God Grace blending family

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Beautiful! Thank you for sharing. I’ve been celibate for 7 years now become I am just tired of empty, meaningless relationships.
    I agree, it is hard, but I have hope that he is our there and that if he is the one, he will understand my convictions, purpose and need to do it ite right way. I am however convinced that he is floating on a turtle in the open season, and the Deadliest Catch has not found him yet, or he is somewhere in Budapest in a coma, and has not awakened to tell them to call me.

    Anyway, congratulations on your engagement, and your journey.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Wow thank you for this message, im going tru this right now. I want a closer walk with God, and i thought no man would want a relationship with a woman without sex. My partner is giving me a hard time with this no sex, he wants me to compromise, so here I was wondering should I compromise. But thanks for the message I know not to and put God first. Thanks a lot

    Liked by 1 person

  12. May God continue to keep you in your journey. Holy Spirit is a keeper for those who wishes to be kept… I am standing on that myself…My boyfriend and I desire to walk upright before the Lord..

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Thank you for writing on this topic. I know it’s hard….lol but I thank God for putting you in place for someone like me who understands exactly what you are talking about. Doing things our way, a woman’s way–trying to please a man, giving him your precious body just for him to act up and out and unholy….the heartache is not worth it. I should not have to feel like I have to give sex to keep a man when I know my heart clings to God. What Ace has demonstrated is true love and commitment to a women he loves and believes is worth the wait. I appreciate you both in the journey chosen to please God. Here’s to celibacy!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Oh we thank God for you life and marriage. Being celibate is spiritual path of rite,where by flesh is subdued and slirit is in control. When you and your partner are celibate everything you do is spiritual and is shadowed by God. Its a form of worship and prayer that God may guide,protect and bless you marriage. I have been celibate for 9yrs and am in my 10th year. It has not been easy,because no guy understand why i dont want to have sex before marriage,however am standing on faith that eventually God will direct someone who will understand,that my God’s word comes first and i spoil my relationship with God to please the flesh.
    Oh by the way being kept from sex is a pre-requisite from God(its an order/command)

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Another Great Blog Portia thank you for your Obedience to God, for being transparent about such a touchy topic, Baby your Wedding Night will be Epic!!!!! God Blesses Obedience, tell Ace take his Bayer Aspirin, Lol ijk super proud of you both.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Wow you have shed light on a situation I truly struggle with!!… Just reading your story here tonight has brought my mind to doing what’s right!! Thanks sooo much!!! Blessings to you and your soon to be husband!!!!🙏🏽😘💪🏾

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Awesome post! I am in the same situation and made the same decision. It’s hard but I wanted to do what is pleasing to God. I know I can’t go back and change the past but I can do something about my future. Your blog has encouraged me thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. OMGosh! This.post! I’m so happy I found a post that I can relate to ! My boyfriend and I don’t live together but we have gone from having sex to not having sex and I feel like it’s different from being single and celibate. If that makes sense. But all for God ! I want to do right by God and my body. OMGosh your transparency and sharing your journal entries really made this post something I was able to connect with. Thank you thank you! Seriously. I just wrote a post on this topic today. Like you said, the slip ups did happen but we got back to it.

    If you’d like to read my post, it’s here. Any additional advice would be awesomeeee but this post encouraged me a lot. https://wp.me/p7i2TO-TW

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I made a choice on January 15, 2014 to be celibate. I committed to God that I would not give myself to another man unless he is my husband. It’s hard, but doable. It helps you find your worth through Him. Congratulations and I pray you both have a blessed, God led marriage.

    Liked by 1 person

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