Rocking Afro puffs in a society full of “good hair”…….

With a house full of girls hair is ALWAYS a main topic. Not only do I have a house full of hair, I have a house full of different textures and lengths. Below is a picture of my middle girl Kennedy.  I have never put a relaxer on her hair or attempted to straighten it in any kind of way. It has taken me YEARS to help build her confidence when it comes to her natural hair. fullsizeoutput_3f3fHer and my oldest daughter Ashton are my only 2 natural hair gals. Ashton has been with Ace for most of her life so I am trying to whip her hair back into a healthy state. We are at a stage of, for lack of better words, stunted growth. I have tried oils and drops, I keep it braided into protective styles but it just will not grow. A few months ago my 10 year old asked me why I only put perms on her and my youngest daughters hair… My super ignorant response was because Kennedys curls are a little different than your hair would be if I stopped relaxing your hair. Who says that?? My thought process (it may be wrong but I’m living in my truth right now) was to continue to perm the 2 girls hair because without a perm their hair was too “nappy” and it was hard for me to manage. Everyday I have them to quote this affirmation: “Thank you Lord for waking me up this morning. I am beautiful. I am CONFIDENT, and I am proud to be a brown girl”. How contradicting, right? It hit me like a ton of bricks when she said to me “mama I don’t want to have straight hair anymore, I want to wear curls”. Growing up I have always heard people refer to some little girls as so and so’s hair is “good”. What is “good” hair? Who made that up and why? Our daughters hear “good” and they automatically think of their little white friend at school with the blonde straight hair and blue eyes and it’s our fault. She is paying attention when you light up at the sight of a little girl with straight hair or if the little girls curls are softer than hers she notices. If this is you or you have friends or fails members that do this to you, you have the ability to stop it right now. Don’t let another one of our girls grow up without knowing who she is and being confident in that. We have to stop doing this to our daughters(myself included). I have been racking my brain about different things I can do just to celebrate my girls and help build their confidence at an early age.  Now, before any of my readers that aren’t black feel offended, this is in no way to say that your daughter isn’t beautiful in every way because God made her that way and he makes no mistakes. It is just my duty as a black woman to make sure that my daughters embrace everything beautiful  that comes with being a little black girl.  Unfortunately we live in a society that is setting a standard of what our girls should look like and it sucks.  I saw an experiment on youtube where they had little black girls to sit down in front of a black and a white doll and asked them to point to the good doll and more than half our our beautiful black princesses pointed to the white doll. That bothered me. Why is this? Is it because we don’t encourage them to embrace their beauty? We spend more time trying to make sure they have the latest shoes and are up with todays latest fashion, but how much time do you put into confidence building? I started re-evaluating EVERYTHING that has to do with my daughters and the things they are exposed to. Their dolls, toys, shows they watch, and most importantly how I carried myself around them. Was I displaying enough self love and confidence? These girls mimic everything that I do. They were being sucked into this “good hair” society and I had no idea. I wanted to slowly introduce different things to them without it feeling like mama done lost her mind and she is throwing all of our toys away. My kids love books so its nothing for me to buy tons of books in one visit, but what type of books? They had nothing about their culture, hair, or skin in their collection. I had to change that. For Christmas I ordered them about 10 books written by African American Authors that celebrated their hair, features and skin. IMG_E1679I am still learning and growing in this thing called motherhood and it is simply ok to make honest mistakes. I made the mistake of saying one of my daughters had better hair than the rest of the girls and they started to notice. At first I felt like a horrible mom because how didn’t I know this was an issue? After praying about it and sitting down and actually listening to my daughters the light bulb came on for me. Stop trying to make them have “good hair”. I stopped relaxing their hair and started getting it braided and trimming it as we go. I haven’t necessarily done a big chop because I am choosing to just let the permed parts grow out. I have researched what products to use and what has been the best so far is all of the products from Tailored Beauty Products Their LOC method has been KEY to keeping my girls hair moisturized. The process is 3 simple steps: I use the Moisturizing Mist (this is my liquid) followed by the Grow Thick Oil and I finish it off with their Everything Butter cream. Wrap all that up in a satin scarf and we are good to go.

I may have a few bumps in the road with this natural hair journey but it is deeper than the hair. As long as their confidence is on one million I am totally fine with that. Until next time…fullsizeoutput_3d97

-P-

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16 thoughts on “Rocking Afro puffs in a society full of “good hair”…….

  1. Great blog hun, It sounds like you are growing with your daughters and that is wonderful, just let them know that they are loved and that they are beautiful. I have told you this before that I think you are a great mother, keep up the good job Porcia.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so happy you wrote about this im 26 ive struggled alot with this so called thing that is considered to be good hair it is now of 3 years that I’ve been natural and ive noticed a big difference rather than when i had been putting perms in my head I admit I’ve been tempted to relax my hair but i had to look around me and i had to tell myself i still need to set an example for our beautiful black princesses that are growing up because they need our help especially because they’re exposed to alot on a daily basis thanks to you and my support system i will be continuing on with my natural hair journey and finding products that will satisfy my natural hair needs and you’re doing an excellent job with your kids and you’re a great and awesome beautiful black queen keep up the great work may all your blessings keep coming

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have 3 daughters as well, and growing up; they all had perms because I bought into the “permed hair is better hair”. As they got older, and I started doing “black hair research”, I realized the harm I had been doing all those years. I am 53 and I am proud to rock my shoulder length locs and my daughters(27,25,23) are proud to rock and embrace thier natural hair. Your blogs are so informative, your family is beautiful; you are doing great!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Thank you for writing this as a white mother to 3 beautiful mixed girls one of my daughters has the good hair as people say and the other 2 need the relaxers and as they got older they wanted me to stop because it was damaging your hair so now I have 2 daughters that have natural curly hair. But as my daughters was growing up they always wanted hair like mine and I told them they have beautiful curly hair and some people would love to have their hair I am very picky on who cuts their hair because I don’t want it messed up. Your doing a wonderful job keep up the great work

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thanks for Inspiring me!!!! You are truly a Anointed Writer with Wisdom thru experience!!!! I am So Proud of you because you are touching lives all over the world!!!! Every Culture is Important Valuable and Most of all our Worth is in Christ!!!! Once this Generation is built up in their Confidence knowing who they are!!!! They will be Forces to be reckoned with!!! Game changers and Champions for Christ!!!!! Healthy Self Images are very important!!!!!!! I hear Dr. Jerry B. Chambers coming out of you!!!! Blessed Bloodline on both sides!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. “We spend more time trying to make sure they have the latest shoes and are up with todays latest fashion, but how much time do you put into confidence building?”

    This post is amazing!

    I’ll be 23 next month and I did my big chop on my 20th birthday after transitioning for 11 months. My mother gave me my first relaxer when I was 2 years old in the hopes that my hair would be easier to manage. When I was older, I learned about this “natural hair community” and I felt empowered by the words my mother had told me in my youth:

    “Be who God made you to be”
    “Remember that you’re black”
    “Don’t be ashamed of who you are”

    I also love to read, and my mother was never shy about purchasing books by black authors or with racial issues. My favorite as a child was “The Watson’s Go to -Birmingham-1963” by Christopher Paul Curtis. My barbie dolls were black. The movies and shows we watched promoted black excellence. But my mother understood things about this world that I didn’t. She understood that white people had a better chance and opportunity. She gave me the name “Julia” in the hopes my resume wouldn’t be thrown out because they couldn’t pronounce my name. She enforced education in our household; teaching me to read by the time I was 2 years old. And she encouraged me to keep my hair straight to look more professional and presentable.

    You are a great mother and here’s why:

    Like my mother, you listened to your daughter and realized what you were teaching her was different than what you were showing her. Instead of pushing her to continue this practice of *dare I say it* self hatred, you reinforced self care and love. When I told my mother I wanted to be natural, she was against it. Not because I wasn’t beautiful, but because she wanted me to have a chance. I reminded her of the words she poured into me and she let me go about my way. Time came for my first interview for a real job. Like, 9-5, cubicle, and benefits job. And I remember my mother begging me to straighten my hair before I went. With confidence AND respect, I told her that if they didn’t accept me as I was, the job wasn’t what God had for me.

    Not only did I get the job,
    every black woman in that place was rockin’ her curls.

    Your family is beautiful, and I applaud you for not only recognizing the mistake you made but owning up to it and fixing it. We need more black mothers like mine and you. Thank you for sharing!!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You are great and keep up the good work! Nobody said that raising kids would be easy but you are on your way, take it one day at a time. Love you and your family

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Wow! After reading this I am TRULY guilty of admiring another child with more coiled or long straight hair over my daughters naturally kinky hair…. It isn’t because I don’t think her hair isn’t beautiful I find it hard to maintain her natural thick hair… But I will now start embracing her hair texture and making her love it as well! Thanks Porcia for this!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Thank you for this post. I am so glad that you made the point about how much of an impact you have on shaping your daughter’s perspective of confidence. I know someone who is going through something similar with her daughter except she wants to have straight hair because she doesn’t like her curly hair. The thing that a lot of people tend to forget is that self-confidence, self-acceptance, and self-love all start at home.

    Liked by 1 person

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