They have reached this whining and bickering stage and I cant handle it!!! Will this ever stop? Never thought I would see myself with three children, let alone three daughters. NOW lets add a teenager, two bonus sons that I can’t make a connection with because of grown-up foolishness, and a man in the mix….this has been one of those weeks where I feel like I am about to SNAP…..I feel SUPER depressed and my emotions are all over the place. My appetite just said “bye girl” and in a 48 hour period I ate once. I am planning a wedding, My fiancé has been on the couch all week and we haven’t spoken in days. It’s so bad that my daughter came to me and asked if the wedding was off because she can feel the tension. The whole vibe of the house is just off…I know I missed Wednesdays post but I have been battling with myself for two days on whether or not I wanted to let y’all this deep into my life, but this is the reason I started blogging. I promised y’all transparency so I have to keep my word. Someone may need to read this and we can just have one big cry together….The interaction between parents sets the tone for the house and this week we failed big time..We let our children see us walk around and give each other the silent treatment instead of letting them see us resolve issues like adults. Guess we won’t be getting the parent of the year award this year.
Many women who become mothers feel as though their life is over once you have a child. It is ok to eat, breathe and sleep your children, but adult interaction is a MUST. The older the girls get, the more and more I think about their future. Am I performing all of my motherly duties? Are they eating enough vegetables? Am I letting them watch to much television? Am I tending to their needs? Should I be a friend? Be more likeable? Am I spending enough time nurturing them as well as providing for them? Before I had children these were just a few of the many things I didn’t have to think about. Becoming a mom. A provider. Nurturer. Care giver, Coach, Doctor, and just a shoulder for them to cry on. When maddison was born I cried every single night for two weeks straight because I had no idea how time consuming and tiring caring for a newborn child would be. I would let them play with every toy in the toy box, jump, scream and make as much noise as they wanted and then when it was their bed time, I would bathe them and lay them in bed and clean. They are older now so I have kind of started giving them little chores. They clean their own room and make up their own beds. Occasionally I let them help me fold and hang laundry which is so helpful. Before I started doing this I would be so overwhelmed with all of my “duties” and this would cause me to be snappy and cranky. I would clean the house, including their rooms ,make their beds and mine, wash and fold the laundry, help them put on their clothes before school in the moring, brush their teeth for them, tie their shoes…I mean the list goes on! I was neglecting my children emotionally. I wasn’t physically abusing them, but emotionally I wasn’t connecting with them like I should have been because I was emotionally exhausted. I was still providing for them, making sure they were fed and clothed and neatly groomed before stepping foot out of the house but I had stopped playing with them and reading bed time stories and panting their nails and all of the little girly things that I once did with them were replaced with a routine. Pick them up from school, feed them dinner, help with homework, bath time, then bed time with cleaning and laundry in between. I literally had to sit back and reevaluate some things because It was to much. I sat the oldest two girls down and had a talk with them about what chores are and how I would really appreciate their help. Kids are funny, because they were excited about this new responsibility. I realized once I started to give them small things to do how well they did with them so I gradually increased from wiping the table to making their own beds and maintaing their restroom. Single parents wear many hats and I think that it is important for them, whether you are a single mom or dad, to take time for themselves. Im not saying it is ok to go out and party every weekend or go get drunk and forget that you are a parent, but having a glass of wine every now and then or going to a spa does not read neglect. All of these are struggles that many women deal with on a daily basis. As a single mom with three children who all have different fathers there were also other issues that I had to deal with. Two of my daughters have siblings on their fathers side and my oldest daughter has a bonus mom. Now, I come from a blended family, so I am very familiar with how to deal with the issues that come with dealing with extra family members, but I have to keep reminding myself that everyone wasn’t raised the same way I was raised. In the Mann household there was never any step children or half brothers and sisters, and I definently didn’t refer to my mom as my“stepmom”. I mean I am sure when I was younger there were a few spats amongst my parents and my mom about visitation, but there was never an issue about me being mistreated when I would go visit my parents house. They held it together pretty good, because the things that I have to go through now are insane.
It took me a minute to actually discover the real me and actually love myself flaws and all. How can I love someone else and expect them to accept me and the loads of baggage when don’t love myself? I was a damaged woman for so many different reasons. My poor choices in men, my poor decisions, and the path I had chosen for my life. I literally had to stand in front of a mirror and strip myself down and ask myself “who are you?” Before all of the hurt, before my daughters, before life chewed me up and spit me out? It’s no secret that I have 3 daughters and they have 3 different fathers. I have had good and bad comments about my past mistakes. I have made plenty of mistakes and I am probably not done making them but one thing I’ve learned to do is free myself up from those that I have already made. I have to remind myself that it is ok to have moments but I can’t waddle in those depressed moments.(Because I been waddling y’all) Today I cried about 5 times about it but its time to boss up!!!!! Be careful who you share your story with if you aren’t strong enough to handle the criticism. To this day I still feel like the things of my past haunt me. I don’t lose sleep behind the things that people say but I must admit that it hurts my feelings from time to time. When you’ve made mistakes and you’ve dealt with them emotionally don’t let other people hold those mistakes over your head. The mistakes I made when I was 18 and 20 years old don’t define me. They are what I did and not who I am. I am a 31 year old African American WOMAN, I am a Mother, a Sister, a friend, and I love everything about me. Flaws and all….If you have anyone in your life, friend or family member that keeps throwing your mistakes up in your face and they refuse to let you live past your mistakes..Call them right now(PICK UP THAT PHONE) and say “I have let go of those things and I am moving on with my life so I would appreciate it if you would do the same.
Your mistakes don’t define you. They are what you did, not what you are…