MY CHILDREN ARE DRIVING ME INSANE!!!

They have reached this whining and bickering stage and I cant handle it!!! Will this ever stop? Never thought I would see myself with three children, let alone three daughters. NOW lets add a teenager, two bonus sons that I can’t make a connection with because of grown-up foolishness, and a man in the mix….this has been one of those weeks where I feel like I am about to SNAP…..I feel SUPER depressed and my emotions are all over the place. My appetite just said “bye girl” and in a 48 hour period I ate once.  I am planning a wedding, My fiancé has been on the couch all week and we haven’t spoken in days. It’s so bad that my daughter came to me and asked if the wedding was off because she can feel the tension. The whole vibe of the house is just off…I know I missed Wednesdays post but I have been battling with myself for two days on whether or not I wanted to let y’all this deep into my life, but this is the reason I started blogging. I promised y’all transparency so I have to keep my word. Someone may need to read this and we can just have one big cry together….The interaction between parents sets the tone for the house and this week we failed big time..We let our children see us walk around and give each other the silent treatment instead of letting them see us resolve issues like adults. Guess we won’t be getting the parent of the year award this year. IMG_E1737

 

Many women who become mothers feel as though their life is over once you have a child. It is ok to eat, breathe and sleep your children, but adult interaction is a MUST. The older the girls get, the more and more I think about their future. Am I performing all of my motherly duties? Are they eating enough vegetables? Am I letting them watch to much television? Am I tending to their needs? Should I be a friend? Be more likeable? Am I spending enough time nurturing them as well as providing for them? Before I had children these were just a few of the many things I didn’t have to think about.  Becoming a mom. A provider. Nurturer. Care giver, Coach, Doctor, and just a shoulder for them to cry on. When maddison was born I cried every single night for two weeks straight because I had no idea how time consuming and tiring caring for a newborn child would be. I would let them play with every toy in the toy box, jump, scream and make as much noise as they wanted and then when it was their bed time, I would bathe them and lay them in bed and clean. They are older now so I have kind of started giving them little chores. They clean their own room and make up their own beds. Occasionally I let them help me fold and hang laundry which is so helpful. Before I started doing this I would be so overwhelmed with all of my “duties” and this would cause me to be snappy and cranky. I would clean the house, including their rooms ,make their beds and mine, wash and fold the laundry, help them put on their clothes before school in the moring, brush their teeth for them, tie their shoes…I mean the list goes on! I was neglecting my children emotionally. I wasn’t physically abusing them, but emotionally I wasn’t connecting with them like I should have been because I was emotionally exhausted. I was still providing for them, making sure they were fed and clothed and neatly groomed before stepping foot out of the house but I had stopped playing with them and reading bed time stories and panting their nails and all of the little girly things that I once did with them were replaced with a routine. Pick them up from school, feed them dinner, help with homework, bath time, then bed time with cleaning and laundry in between. I literally had to sit back and reevaluate some things because It was to much. I sat the oldest two girls down and had a talk with them about what chores are and how I would really appreciate their help. Kids are funny, because they were excited about this new responsibility. I realized once I started to give them small things to do how well they did with them so I gradually increased from wiping the table to making their own beds and maintaing their restroom. Single parents wear many hats and I think that it is important for them, whether you are a single mom or dad, to take time for themselves. Im not saying it is ok to go out and party every weekend or go get drunk and forget that you are a parent, but having a glass of wine every now and then or going to a spa does not read neglect. All of these are struggles that many women deal with on a daily basis. As a single mom with three children who all have different fathers there were also other issues that I had to deal with. Two of my daughters have siblings on their fathers side and my oldest daughter has a bonus mom. Now, I come from a blended family, so I am very familiar with how to deal with the issues that come with dealing with extra family members, but I have to keep reminding myself that everyone wasn’t raised the same way I was raised. In the Mann household there was never any step children or half brothers and sisters, and I definently didn’t refer to my mom as my“stepmom”. I mean I am sure when I was younger there were a few spats amongst my parents and my mom about visitation, but there was never an issue about me being mistreated when I would go visit my parents house. They held it together pretty good, because the things that I have to go through now are insane.

It took me a minute to actually discover the real me and actually love myself flaws and all. How can I love someone else and expect them to accept me and the loads of baggage when don’t love myself? I was a damaged woman for so many different reasons. My poor choices in men, my poor decisions, and the path I had chosen for my life. I literally had to stand in front of a mirror and strip myself down and ask myself “who are you?” Before all of the hurt, before my daughters, before life chewed me up and spit me out? It’s no secret that I have 3 daughters and they have 3 different fathers. I have had good and bad comments about my past mistakes. I have made plenty of mistakes and I am probably not done making them but one thing I’ve learned to do is free myself up from those that I have already made. I have to remind myself that it is ok to have moments but I can’t waddle in those depressed moments.(Because I been waddling y’all) Today I cried about 5 times about it but its time to boss up!!!!! Be careful who you share your story with if you aren’t strong enough to handle the criticism. To this day I still feel like the things of my past haunt me. I don’t lose sleep behind the things that people say but I must admit that it hurts my feelings from time to time. When you’ve made mistakes and you’ve dealt with them emotionally don’t let other people hold those mistakes over your head. The mistakes I made when I was 18 and 20 years old don’t define me. They are what I did and not who I am. I am a 31 year old African American WOMAN, I am a Mother, a Sister, a friend, and I love everything about me. Flaws and all….If you have anyone in your life, friend or family member that keeps throwing your mistakes up in your face and they refuse to let you live past your mistakes..Call them right now(PICK UP THAT PHONE) and say “I have let go of those things and I am moving on with my life so I would appreciate it if you would do the same.

Your mistakes don’t define you. They are what you did, not what you are…

-P-

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26 thoughts on “MY CHILDREN ARE DRIVING ME INSANE!!!

  1. Planning a wedding is super stressful while managing a blending family. Continue to pray and God will lead you through it all! It’s ok to cry-you have to let it out so you can keep being the super woman/mommy you are!!! Sending prayers your way!!

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  2. Porcia girl I love you. Thank you for being real. God bless you and your entire family. You changed my life and I will be forever grateful. Don’t worry about these negative people. You know who you are and you’re a child of God. God loves you and so does your family and that’s all you need. God bless you always in everything you do.

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      1. Porcia, I can relate to your story. I have 4 children and three different fathers. Plus I was Raised in a blended family. It got worse when we moved to the DFW area about 3 1/2 years ago. I have no family here and my husband has some family here. We would bump heads because for a while I was A single mom and to let my husband in my world was a hard adjustment. I did everything for myself and my oldest to children. But for you and your fiancé everything will fall into place according to God plan. With y’all wedding being son close there’s going to be a lot that will happen because the devil doesn’t like marriage. Also being married really shows you, you! Just continue to pray and keep God first. From the outside looking in you have some amazing girls and yes being a parent is definitely a handful. But at least you know that you need time for yourself and it’s ok. Sometimes even just being around your female friends or other married couples will help especially those that are sincere and genuine. I wish you all nothing but happiness. I’m 35 and still learning. I’ve been married for 6 years…

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  3. Porcia, I am so sorry that you are hurting right now. Please remember that your past made you who you are today, you are a strong beautiful woman. a great mother and you are going to be a wonderful wife to Ace. The person that throws your past mistakes in your face is not really your friend. Real friends don’t tear you down they pick you up. You have learned from your past mistakes and that is what counts. I know that you have faith in Jesus and He will help you through this difficult time you are going through right now. You are such a smart woman and I know you going to come out of this ok. You and Ace love each other and y’all are going to make your relationship work. I will be praying for you and your family. Remember that this too shall pass. Love you hun and always keep the faith.

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  4. Hang tight mama, you are AWESOME!!! A beautiful woman with three beautiful young ladies. Never let anyone, male or female, make you feel less than. As my mom used to say, “Ain’t no hill for a stepper!”
    Love you and your family beautiful!!
    Karen

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  5. I understand what you are going through I was married once and I have five two girls and three boys I had to be there Father and mother when he want to jail it’s hard but I got through it my children are grow up now but I lost my baby girl about 3/half year a go I miss her but I’m slowly getting on with my life our mistake we make is kind of good for us that way we can’t let our kids make them I know we connt stop them but we can try and part for them love them show them the right way to go and it will get better we hope I could tell you a lot of things you can do and not do but the ined of the day you have to do what right for you and your love you.

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  6. Reading this brought back so many memories for me. I became a widow in May of 2000, over night due to a car accident. At the time, we had 5 children with #6 needing two more months before making his arrival. This was a first of many things for me because I always had my husband to lean on for support. I remember the stares and conversation when it was time for my baby to be born. My ring finger spoke volumes but yet I was alone, so when the question was asked “will your husband make it for the birth”? With tears in my eyes, I said…..”he has a front row seat in heaven and he will not miss the birth of his son”. Things got really real for me after the birth of my son, I now was solely responsible for 6 children and had no clue what to do but yet; I had to hold it together for everyone. I made so many mistakes along the way, falling into a deep depression; feeding into other peoples negativity about me being able to effectively parent. My oldest son lost his childhood because he became the “parent” his siblings needed, I paid the bills, kept a roof over our heads but emotionally I was detached. This would continue for many years until I began to look at myself, stripping away layers of yourself is painful but in order to heal; this was necessary. They needed thier mother, so began my journey; as well as a renewed relationship with God. It has been 17 years and I thank God for the process and my relationship with my children/grandchildren is in a great place. I no longer allow myself or others to hold me hostage to my past. Thank you, many women stay silent and will not tell thier story because we have been knocked down so much by family/friends etc. Our voices need to be heard, and although we do not know each other personally, through these blog post; someone else can relate and healthy dialogue can continue between us. Continued prayers for you and your family…..

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  7. It’s Only A TestFinished The Course!! Keep Believing & Praying Some Time We Have To Turn Down The Plate.Worship& Pray Yield To God . God Got You This Too Shall Pass!! Praying For Extra Strength !! Remember Your Glowing Up🔥🔥You Shall Have Greatness Added To Your Life. Get That Anointed Oil & Anoint Your Home !! Morrison Family For Life🔥🔥

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  8. I really admire you. I understand how you feel with being a single mom. I’ve been going through it for sixteen years and still feel like I’m on a roller coaster. Having. Soon to be seventeen year old is hard but it’s worth every headache, grey hair , tear and everything else that comes with it. Depression is real and I’ve dealt with it for many years. As I got older I had to realize that I was doing the best I could and that I wasn’t going to do everything right as her mother. We do need “Me” time and that’s not a bad thing. In order for us moms to recalculate we need it. I applaud you for raising three beautiful girls on your own and having different fathers is apart of your testimony. I come from a mother that has eight kids with five different fathers. You are so right that our past doesn’t define us. I had to learn that as I reached my 40’s because I was so wrapped up in my past I couldn’t grasp on to what my future was holding for me and I couldn’t be the mom I really wanted and was designed to be. I’ve cried many of nights and still do because that’s part of being a mom. I really applaud you and I know you couldn’t have gotten through this without God. Praying for you and the family❤️

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  9. GoodMorning!!!Miss. Mann after reading this I truly understand how you feel but as a Spiritual Leader and a Woman that have encountered msny things on this Earth that could’ve demolished me!!! For a Fact you were raised in the Church with a VC very Strong Foundation in the Word of God!!! Also I want to minister too you!!! Everyone in this World has a Past Present and Future and what we do with it and how we handle things determines the Outcome of you’re Life!!! I don’t care who tries to judge or point out flaws!!! Romans 3:23 says All have sinned and come short of Gods Glory!!!! Boone can judge u but they can advise you and it should be in a Godly Way that should bring Victorious Results not Bad Results!!! All of us including adults have made mistakes!!! God already foreknew what u were going to go thru and he was not Surprised!!! Just the Fact that u and you’re Family woke up this morning is a Blessing!!! From this Point on I want you to start counting all of you’re Blessing because u are Truly Blessed and Highly Favored by God because Jesus died for you and you’re Life is Valuable and Children!!!! See yourself like God sees you not Society!!!! You were born to be a Blessing on this earth to you’re Family and u are now a Public Figure and Global Mentor!!! I’m celebrating with you right now and praying that God would Strengthen u in every way!! Please understand every child of God has a enemy and his name is Satan John 10:10 He comes to Steal Kill and Destroy!!!! Please call him out and see him for who he is!!! He is not ypure Friend but God is and he came that u may have Life more abundantly!!!! God says Live and Live and Live!!!! You’re girls need you!!!! You must Fight with you’re Spiritual Weapons to Survive on this Earth!!!!!! Look how far God has brought u!!!!! Perception is Everything in God!!!! I Decree and Declare you are a Blessing Victorious Fearfully and Wonderfully made by God himself!!! Show him that what he Created you are Proud!!!! Gods Children belong to him!!!! Regardless of what anybody tells you!!! God is the Answer to all of our Trials and Tribulations and he has the Power to help you but you gotta Believe and Have Faith him!!! God First!!! Trust him!!!!You will make it in Jesus Name!!! Continue to make God First Priority and his Word!!!! Gods Instructions for Man!!! You’re Hillsboro Family is Praying Gods Strength and Power to Consume you’re Life!!!! Stand up my Daughter in Jesus Name!!!!! Pray Hard and Believe Hard!!! The Girls have a Bright Future in God but we gotta Lead them in a Godly Way!!! Always Pray Gods Divine Will Mama

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  10. There are so many times when my autistic 10 yr old and her 5 year old “normal” sister fight and fight.. It literally makes me crazy. I have to stop, show them the MAD MOMMY face and tell them this is their warning and if they don’t stop they will have consequences. Usually it doesn’t work…not gonna lie.. but a nap time or separation time seems to do the trick. My life is different then most though because of my 10 year old is autistic. but she argues with her sister like any other girl would that was upset you touched her things. Its helps to know that you are doing the best you can and that “this too shall pass”.

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  11. You are doing an awesome job with your girls. God has blessed you with a loving family. Keep loving yourself. We have to make mistakes in order to learn from them.

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  12. I feel your pain! Being a single mom (an intentional one) can be VERY exhausting. I can’t imagine mixing that with wedding plans and relationship strain. May God bless your heart and your family!!!

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  13. I have like a million things to say BUT I’ll try and keep it brief. I was a VERY young mother and I had 4 by age 27 but the first at 14. There are many things I regret, wish I could do over and more. I’ve found myself trying to compensate and just now realizing I need to forgive ME for all I feel is wrong. And yes they are by 4 different men. I also felt that men didn’t want to marry me because of it and then came my husband.
    Things happen BEFORE marriage to show you the strength you two should have. People are going to show their absolute tail during this period. Family and friends. I had to plead the blood and pray and I realized with so much opposition THIS HAS TO BE GOD and the devil is teed!!
    I’ve had the blended family issue as I only have 1 mother to deal with. I kindly remind hubby and her that SHE runs HER house and we run OURS. It’s up to my husband to put child, family and kids in their places. Didn’t that vow say “forsaking all others for as long as you both shall live??” . You’ll also learn through your issues, disagreements your prayer life will become strong. And even though you point the finger at him, those other 4 point back at you. So while you are praying for your strength, peace & understanding .. submit your prayer to God about him and let God deal with him. You’ll be amazed at what he’ll come say to you that God revealed to him. Marriage and relationships are like building a house. God is the foundation. Together you work to complete the home. You’ll have repairs and damages but you’ll figure out what and how to fix them and when you look back you’ll see what once was a issue has been fixed and you now have what we call a lesson.
    Ok, I tried to keep it simple but FELT THIS THANG lol. Praying for you all. I love you and your family. Nobody is perfect but together you are prefect for each other 😁😁

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  14. I’m all caught up and ready for next weeks blog. So PROUD of the growth I see in you. Keep being the woman of CLASS, GRACE and GREATNESS that you are. Every time I read one of you blogs it makes me smile and cry , I smile because I see the progress I see you putting in the work as a mother and now a wife . I cry because I remember when it was just you and me and I can’t believe that my little girl is a full grown woman now. Thank you for reminding me that your past is your past and you don’t need to be reminded of it when ever we have one of our father daughter moments 😜. We are stronger together love you.

    P.S. When I am walking you down the aisle I’m going to pay you back for tripping me in the hotel #shetripped #bridedown

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      1. I read the first blog and just kept going from there (joy of overnight worker). There were times all I could say was see and people say there’s no God. I’m like she has a powerful testimony! God is truly real and real she is. Thank you! The last blog just really hit me! As a foster parent going to school for my Masters and working full time, last few weeks I been feeling as if I failed as her foster mom. Then I was told I’m the best home she ever had and how she doesn’t want to leave so that brought JOY to me knowing it’s ok to be tired, it’s ok to add chores for her as I got tired of throwing away things when I cleaned her room and thought what a waste of money, instead take time to teach so I can have one less thing off my list as she is 9yrs old.

        It’s been rough these last few weeks but we SERVE A MIGHTY GOD!

        Praying for your household as I know if God done it for me he can do it for you! More prayer for you as you HOLD OUT and wait for marriage.

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  15. You having the strength to share your story with others says a lot about you. Being able to admit that you have gone through tough times and still struggle with balancing it all just shows that you are human. We all have our struggles, we all have made mistakes, we all have a past. What makes everyone different is how we handle those things, and you, you are on your way to better days. Stay encouraged 🙂

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