I have tried to skip around this subject because of the drama it would cause, but hey..might as well!! I’m going to speak from my experience as a “baby mama”. I’d like to think I’m one of the good ones because I don’t trip about ANYTHING. One of my daughters fathers has had zero contact with her in the past year and I still don’t let that consume me because what’s the point? I’ll be somewhere mad and he still will be out there doing what he wants to do. I feel like I made the choice to lay down and have a kid with these people so complaining about them would be very wack of me AND it won’t change a thing. OHHHH but there was a time y’all. There was a time in my life that I didn’t have that thought process at all. I was the president of the Bitter Baby Mama Club… It’s no secret that I have 3 children with different fathers and I was the baby mama from hell to my oldest daughters father! Our relationship is so amazing NOW and we laugh about all of the foolishness that took place when our daughter was a baby. The other two didn’t get a lot of the dumb baby mama stuff because after acting a fool the first time I promised myself that I wouldn’t go down that road anymore.
I met my oldest daughters father when I was 16 years old. He was my best friend but I was a lil nerdy and wasn’t having sex and all the extra stuff that he was used to. He was a little on the “play boy” side so I didn’t get too deep. We lived in two different cities so when I would go visit my mom I would go see him. We didn’t actually “hook up” until I was about 20. I was still a virgin when we met and I kept it that way. Sidebar: He wasn’t my FIRST, I lost my virginity to my high school sweetheart when I was 18, we were engaged and everything but that’s a different story for a different day. Ok so I was 20, pregnant with my first child and I was deeeeep in love. Maddison was born January 15th, 2008. I didn’t get my acceptance letter into the bitter baby mama club until she was born. Ladies if you have a child by someone and it doesn’t work out just save yourself the embarrassment, don’t do the fool because later on you will regret it. As long as he hasn’t done anything to harm your child and he wants to be in the kids life girl just let him. Let that hurt go for your kids sake.
I was the baby mama that called his phone back to back if he didn’t answer even if I knew he was with his other baby mama. After about 35(no exaggeration) ignored phone calls I would send long text messages. I would write out the texts and just hit send on the same message over and over until it froze his phone up. (we had sidekicks and razors back then).. After allll of that he would finally call back and I would say something stupid like “Did I leave that shirt over there? Y’all need to return all my baby stuff.” Just unnecessary stuff. I’m sure you’ve been there. Just making up random stuff to get him to give you some kind of conversation or reaction. I would show up to their house and be hella disrespectful. I wouldn’t speak to the other girl and I would start arguments with him. It got so bad that we had to start meeting at his mamas house and go through her to exchange the baby. Because I was hurt and in my feelings I wanted to disrupt his whole world, I even went through a phase where I kept him from seeing her for dumb reasons. My hurt turned into anger and I turned outrageous. He would call to get her and I would just simply say no. No because you did this to ME and you hurt ME. You over there with that other girl and you hurt MY feelings. He had never done anything to harm my baby and he was ready and willing to be a father but I was to hung up on my feelings and I wanted him to suffer. If you are reading this and you are keeping your kid away from their father because of something he did to you just stop it. Trust me I know its easier said than done because when we are hurt we want them to suffer but not at the expense of your kid. Why let all of that time go by and let the child miss out on a bond and a relationship with their father? All because you mad…Let it go sis. AND take those much needed breaks Chile. Once I came to my senses and got out my feelings things went so smooth. He got here every other weekend, came to chill with her during the week and we rotated holidays. Let me say this before I continue he contributed to most of my hurt and insecurities because he was out there big time, BUT I shouldn’t have let that interfere with the co-parenting. We had the longest conversation one day and here we are 8 years later and our lil system is seamless. I know it’s easier to say but I promise if the parents get along it makes things so much easier. My daughter was too young to remember the bad arguments and fights so all she has seen is the laughs between her father and I. I’m living my life, he’s living his life, and their bond is so strong. She is my first baby but I am not in denial, she is a daddy’s baby and I’m totally fine with that!
That was in my early 20’s. I have since terminated my membership to the BBMC! That doesn’t mean that I’m in the clear tho. I am currently dealing with baby mama drama from my fiancés side. LORDT!! I have truly had to pray about this situation because God is the only person that will be able to crack that one, because what I will NOT be doing at 31 years old is arguing with baby mamas about what he did years ago. I’ve done enough of that. I think that is where we get stuck. We want to run down a list of what he has done to hurt us when that is really irrelevant. As long as he hasn’t done anything to harm his child I really don’t care to hear anything else. Age does NOT guarantee maturity….
So if you are a baby mama and you are stuck in that awkward stage and you are keeping him away out of spite just pick up the phone right now and fix it. Fix it so you won’t be doing damage control on a messed up teenager because you were mad. Had I kept up the shenanigans my daughter would be missing out on all the fun times and all the father daughter moments with him. If you have a son and you are keeping him from his father you ESPECIALLY need to fix it. Yes it is the year of the woman and we are superwomen, but you can not raise a man. period.
Let the hurt go and lets all move forward together ladies! Cancel your subscription to the BBMC!!