In our house we have a ask any question policy. Keep calm, I have only had the sex talk with my 15 yr old. The little girls have asked what it was but I QUICKLY informed them that it is an adult activity that we will discuss in a few years. My daughters are very candid in their conversations and most of it comes from them being inquisitive. If they have a question about anything they can come to me and if I feel like the answer to the question is age appropriate then I will give it to them straight forward. If it is something that they don’t need to know about at this age, I don’t make up a ridiculous lie like the stork dropped you off, I will just simply tell them that they are too young to know the answer to that and it is something we will discuss when they are a little older. They asked hundreds of questions DAILY. If my 15 year old isn’t asking what celibacy is, my 7 year old is asking “what is a bastard”?. My 8 year old asked me the other day what a lesbian is, and I sat her down and explained it to her. In my opinion, if they don’t get the explanations and answers from me they will hear it from someone else or see it somewhere so there is no need to make up little lies.
The girls are getting older and I am noticing that they are staring to bicker and argue A LOT and its driving me crazy. Each one of them are different and very independent son have to treat them according to their personality. I haven’t always been the best at expressing how I feel with words because I usually react emotionally and I see it in them. Instead of putting words in place of feelings they yell at each other, or bang on the table when they are frustrated, and instead of telling each other how they feel they just explode. At first I was discouraged because I have been being a poor example in the communication department. BUT, No need to beat myself up tho because its never too late to make a change. Instead of me coming in to fuss at them for fussing at each other I am making them sit down and have real conversations with one another. See below for the HILARIOUS conversation between the two baby girls: (I asked them to express themselves using words and to tell each other what upsets them and how they can make it better)
Kennedy: “Rhileey, it hurts my feelings when you dry snitch on me”. “Also, when you don’t pick up your clothes from the floor”. I would appreciate it if you didn’t try to dry snitch just to get me in trouble. And to keep our space clean, please pick up your clothes”
Rhileey: “Kennedy, it makes me upset when you ask me stupid questions”. (I interject and tell her that there are no stupid questions, and that kennedy could very well not know) “Ok well kennedy, it hurts my feelings when you always yell at me and make fun of me.”
Kennedy: “I am sorry, I just be playing with you and you get sensitive.” (I step in and say maybe when a joke goes too far you can simply say ok I’m done playing so it doesn’t turn into a yelling match because y’all work on all my nerves when y’all are doing all that hollering) “Rhileey I will try to work on being a better big sister, and I won’t meddle you all the time, just sometimes.”
Rhileey: “Thank you sissy, and I won’t leave my clothes in the floor anymore, and I will control my anger and calm myself down.”
It may seem like simple words to most of you reading this, but this is the first time I have actually heard my daughters express their feelings to each other using words. There was quite a bit of shade in there (LOL), but hey we are baby stepping this thang. If I don’t teach them anything else, I want them to respect each other and communicate properly using their words instead of emotions. I also have to keep in mind that they are still children so they won’t always get it right. Fussing and whooping don’t work all the time. Teach them to communicate.
I have been a mom for almost 11 years, but I am still learning from them every single day. Some days I am a great example for them and then there are days where I don’t win the mom of the year award. As a mom if someone is picking on your child you automatically go into mama bear mode, and I am guilty of this. Two of my daughters recently had to get glasses, because like their mom, they are blind as bats. Aren’t they cute?!?!?
I teach the girls to ignore people if they are just talking because their words don’t mean anything. Eventually the kid will just be talking the air and he will look like a crazy person. I teach them to ignore ignorance and not let people make them react. With that being said, I know that most of the schools have a strict not fighting policy, BUT if someone hits them or even comes into their personal space I have instructed them to defend themselves. Period. That works for 2 of the girls, but them other two…Words are triggers. My middle girl went to school with her glasses the first day and she came home so sad…She said mama a group of girls talked about me the whole time we were at recess. I asked her what they said and she said there was this one girl that was the ring leader. She brought all the attention to my daughter so that they other girls could make fun of her. Now, kennedy is usually a strong outspoken girl, but this particular day she was a in tears about this. This made me so mad because I wasn’t used to this from her. I was HOT. So hot that I told her the next time those lil girls said anything to her to stick her middle finger up at them. She looked at me with this confused look, she was like mama you told me what that finger means before sooooo….I can stick it up now?? I said cuss they asses smooth OUT!! Now, before you side eye me let me explain how I had to check myself and clean that up real quick. (I’m not afraid to say I screwed up as a parent, and y’all I let my anger screw this one up) What was I teaching her? She normally gets the most positive advice from her mom and now I was telling her to go to school and curse. Shame on me, but hey thats my truth. Not even 10 seconds after I basically told my 8 year old to go to school and cuss some lil 2nd graders out, I told her that I was just really upset because I don’t like to see her sad. I told her that sticking her middle finger up and cursing was not the way to go. Next time the girls have something smart to say just ignore them. And if they keep going, go tell a teacher and if the teacher can’t resolve it then we will go from there. I was tested again VERY quickly when my 15 year old got into a fight at school and LORD!! I was like what is happening. As mad as I was, I made sure that I didn’t say anything that I would have to take back later. I made sure she was ok and told her to stay far away from the girl she had a fight with. Failed one test, but passed one too…Just take it day by day and situation by situation.
God has truly blessed me with some AMAZING daughters. I let them know how blessed I am to be their mother and how much better my life is because they are in it! Just those simple affirmations go a long way with children. They won’t remember the toys, candy and ice cream, but if you build up their confidence and let them know how much they mean to you that will go a loooong way. And I’m not just saying that, my daughters have expressed these things to me. Talk to your children, and I promise you they will tell you exactly what they need from you!!