Letter from “stepmoms” to bio moms…

I don’t like to use the word “step” but for the sake of this post I will. The dreaded “stepmom” has been tied to bad experiences from children everywhere who have been mistreated by immature women. I just wanna take a second to enlighten all the bio moms out there….

1. We don’t care if you drill it in your kids head that they only have ONE mother, and that they are never to call us “mom”. That’s a given. (Brutal honesty coming) We love your children because they come as a package deal with the man and it’s our responsibility to make the child feel loved and appreciated BUT we are not going to cry if we are never called mom by your kid(we have plenty of kids calling us mom already. I promise you we aren’t hurt by your stupidity). We will still love and treat the kids all the same but that word doesn’t break us.

2. We are not going to give your kids any special treatment over the kids that are already in the house. They gotta fall in line…I’m fair all the way around. If my child can get that ass whooped so can your kid. Period. If I’m good enough to buy clothes and give out my love then I should be qualified to discipline…(it’s all love either way)

3. Please send the kid over with decent clothes, if not, don’t get mad when we keep the clothes we buy at our house! Once again I’m fair all the way around. If I take pride in my kids appearance when we step out then your child will be treated the same way. Whether you like it or not when they are with the “stepmom” they are a reflection of US.

4. Be mindful of your conversations in front of the kids because they repeat everything you say. They repeat it to the kids that you tell them are not their “real” siblings and those kids come tell us.

5. Lastly, we are going to be co-parenting for a looooong time so get over yourself and let’s make this journey a smooth one. K?

With love


24 thoughts on “Letter from “stepmoms” to bio moms…

  1. Chile thisssss post makes me want to pick up the phone and call you lol. Whewwwwweee I couldn’t agree more, but the don’t call her Mom or NOT sending them with decent clothes and if your like my bonus son’s mother, you just push him out the car with what we sent him home in last 😳😳. How about they’ll request a modification because you sent the child home in CLEARANCE and old Jordan’s but they think dad has come up smh. All of it is because they’re bitter because they never thought he’d find someone to appreciate what they didn’t. When I tell you we could chat, baby we could lol. Great blog 😊😊

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel you girl don’t worry about it let God fight for your battle but I understand its make you upset when you do something and they act like it’s wrong but don’t feel bad for doing it love you

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  3. I was once bitter, it came from being young and immature. However, I quickly came to realize that my child had a bonus mom that I now call my Lady Bug because lady bugs are beautiful and bring luck to your life. Although she and my daughter’s father did not work out it is 17yrs later and she still loves our daughter just the same. Now he went on to marry another lady who is as sweet as can be. We respect one another and we call her mamma L because her first name starts with an L. My kiddo has love over flowing from bonus parents because she also has my husband as a bonus. When ppl start to realize its about loving and caring for the children then the rest should be pushed to the back. If you love my child enough to take time and teach and nurture him or her, then I know if correction is needed, that too is done out of love. Keep Keeping it real Mrs. Morrison, you are helping someone else in the struggle.

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  4. BIO Mom here. Your letter doesn’t represent the STEPMOM who comes in with her kid/s looking for the come up with the ex right? Then expects that man to put her children before his right? You’re not representing the STEPMOM that doesn’t encourage the ex to spend time with his children right? You’re not representing the STEPMOM that chooses to take a blind eye to the deadbeat dad show right?

    There are good BIO moms out here who aren’t looking for money, they just want their children to have a good father. It’s exhausting when the ex has a revolving door of STEPMOMs. From the mouth of a good BIO Mom, we pray for good STEPMOMs. We pray that the love she gives our ex will hopefully make him a better man and in turn, a better father. Please remember us BIO Moms are in the struggle too. Pray for us as we pray for you. Love and blessings!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My letter represents the “stepmom” that has MARRIED a man and accepts everything that comes with him. The “stepmom” that encourages my husband to be the best father to every child that is allowed to be in his life. The “stepmom” that makes my bonus child feel just a special as the children I gave birth to. I wouldn’t marry a man that was a deadbeat, however, if he’s been trying to co-parent with the bio mom and She has given him nothing but HELL then I am the wife that will pray with him and encourage him to stay positive because God can fix ANY situation…I’m aware that bio moms struggle as well, but this wasn’t their moment. It was a moment for Stepmoms…Be blessed

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  5. I became a stepmom 16 years ago. I new when he told me he had a baby that I would need to accept her or move on from him. And of course I choose to accept her as my own. Best a thing I’ve done in my life. Her mother had issues at first but when she saw that I loved her child as much as she did, we became friends. Unfortunately three years in my baby’s bio mom was killed. I then became The mom. My daughter is now 17. I have loved this child from day one, she’s my only child. I was diagnosed with Endometrial cancer years later and unable to have biological children. God had a purpose and a plan when he put me with her father, because I had always said that I would never date a man that already had kids. Look at God, he knew.

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  6. I’ve had to deal with all 5 points listed. Believe me, as time moves on, that letter will get longer! Wait till the “bio mom” calls the Dad and asks him “What are we (referring to bio mom and Dad) getting them for their birthday?”

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  7. Well said… I couldn’t agree more….all kids are loved the same, no middle ground….I’m a bonus mom like you and I don’t like to use step either….But the love that we give them will never change…

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  8. GREAT BLOG!!! And I have been a Bio Mom and my daughter has a StepMom (Even tho they divorced) who hated me for reasons I am sure because of what she was told, and I watch my husband be a Step Dad for 18yrs now (Even tho he NEVER used that word); Bio Parents and Step Parents all have a TREMENDOUSLY hard job especially when you add being young, lack of experience parenting and emotions in the mix. I agree that Bio Moms sometimes can get a bad rep with the new wife IF she has not heard both sides from the beginning (Which she probably is not interested) but I also agree that some Bio Moms can be difficult just to be difficult AND Bio Dads can too. In my opinion I think it’s best that Step Parents reserve judgement of Bio Parents, show empathy and know that sometimes their behavior is in reaction to how they have been treated by the other parent and THANK GOD he has matured and is ready to be a good husband to you and Good Dad and that WHATEVER this nuclear family could have been it did not work out how disappointing that can be to a person (I know you understand because you have kids) and try to BRIDGE the relationship between the Bio Parent and their children by forming your own relationship with the other parent separate from your spouse and encouraging your mate to do what’s right regardless and of course all the things you said you do as well by LOVING their child unconditionally!! But my daughter is 21 and we all are about to be grandparents and planning a shower where EVERYONE is invited and I never thought we all could be in the same room! But our children are worth burying whatever beef we have for whatever reason ALL these years later!!!

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  9. I so needed this. I have the biological mom from hell who thinks his responsibility to his child means he should take care of her too. She purposely will leave on the days we are to switch, which makes us cancel our plans. This is done a lot! She talks I’ll of me to the child and even has tried to make up falsehoods to his family members to the point I’ve been told I need her permission to be with him. HELP ME WITH GOING FORWARD because this turmoil is ruining my relationship

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hope this is okay, but I run an instagram page: @mamabearblendedfamilysupport
      And I also have a site here on wordpress all about the struggles of stepmotherhood as well as our personal struggle. empatheninbrand.wordpress.com

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I wish I had your tenacity, I used to, before the custody battle we are currently going through demolished every sense of normalcy in our home and family. We have such a high conflict bio mom that it makes it so hard to have this mindset because they are quick to slap on legal action for everything and twist it to unrecognizable stories.

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  11. I want you to know, that this exact blog has helped change my outlook on life and how I conduct myself. It has made me feel like I have a voice and that I shouldn’t be afraid to use it. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I mulled this blog over for days, a week actually. Read and re-read parts of it. And it finally resonated. I feel much more empowered.

      Liked by 1 person

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